I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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