O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
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When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
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I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is