His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
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I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
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Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.