You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
