I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
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How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think a kid would responsible me up
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And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?