I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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