can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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