1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
