Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
