Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
