My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oh god it's open bar.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
