Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
