I can't watch pbs sober anymore
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
