he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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