is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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