I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
