i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
