I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize