I think im going to throw up on grandma
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
