last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
