We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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