Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
