The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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