and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
