bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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