I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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