you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
