Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
handjob tips. give me some.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
