i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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