the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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