he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
