i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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