new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
