I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
