i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
