guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
