Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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