i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
