OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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