What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
