I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm like, not good at living.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
