I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
