Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
