My underwear smells like fireworks.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
God I need to hump something, right now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
