Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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