This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
