she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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