I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
