I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
