i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
