I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
