I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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