loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You were trust falling into bushes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
