Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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