then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
