We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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