She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
