I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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