Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
