Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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