barbara walters just said penis...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
