best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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