I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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