I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
