she woke up with a sticky ear
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
