I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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