If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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