Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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