Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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