I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
