She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
