Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
