My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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