He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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