Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
