DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
